Involving Your Partner |
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How can I talk to my potential partner(s) about sexually transmitted diseases and HIV?
For the single woman who is not in a steady relationship, communication is the #1 weapon against HIV. Start the conversation about HIV/AIDS early and often. It doesn't hurt to start talking about HIV on the first date. Don't wait until you are in the heat of passion to bring the subject up. Just as you may be talking about your job or the weather, you can casually ask your date what they think about HIV. "What do they know about how it is transmitted?" "What do they think about using condoms?" You can often get a good feeling for how this person will respond to any future discussion by their answers to these casual questions. If they are uncomfortable talking about HIV, then they will probably be uncomfortable taking the test. HIV is a fact of life today. It needs to be talked about. The risk is real for all of us. You as a woman have the ultimate responsibility to protect yourself. If your potential partner is not willing to talk about issues such as HIV or sexually transmitted diseases, then perhaps you should ask yourself whether or not they are worth your time. If you do happen to make a love connection after talking with your date, and you find that this is someone you would like to have a sexual relationship with, encourage them to take the HIV test with you. It can be an important part of establishing a good foundation for your relationship. One built on honesty, openness, and mutual respect. Back to menu |
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I want my steady (or
long term) partner to take an HIV test too. The best way to ensure a safe sexual relationship is to "get tested together" and share your results. Sometimes this is not an easy thing to do. Talking with a partner openly about the realities of HIV/AIDS can be difficult for many women. Especially if the partner is someone you have been intimate with for a while (like a husband). It can seem to the other person that you have been sleeping with other people or that you don't trust them. As you know, there are men (and women) who are not completely truthful about their sexual activities outside of the relationship. This type of dishonesty causes many HIV infections in women. Sometimes a man may have a wife and kids, but fool around with other men on the side. They may have a hidden drug habit but still function well and hold down a job. Many women were raised to "trust our men" and not to question them (especially about sex). Although that attitude still prevails in many cultures, luckily it is beginning to change as more and more women are realizing their own power when it comes to love, sex, and relationships. Communication is the key to any successful relationship, and is ultimately the best way to approach the subject of HIV. A person could have contracted HIV many years before you met each other. Learn as much as you can about HIV so that you can answer questions that your partner may have. Read up on all the information so that you can justify your concerns. Perhaps leave some information around the house for him/her to look at. You may find that if you begin by talking in a non-confrontational manner (meaning don't accuse them), your partner may be more likely to respond in a positive way and you can begin to talk about your concerns. After the discussion, you can encourage your partner to take the HIV test with you. Perhaps you can promise them a "special sexy little gift later" if they go along with it. You may find that having an open discussion with your partner about HIV and other issues can bring you closer together and strengthen your relationship. It's important to get a feeling of your partner's attitude before you talk with them about HIV. Take your time and begin slowly. If you are in a relationship where your partner is violent (has hit you, or abused you in any way) please get some additional help from a counselor before attempting to talk with him. Back to menu |
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What about Safer-Sex?
If you have not seen his HIV test results, and you still want to have sex with him, here are some tips. The term "safer-sex" is just that...SAFER. It doesn't mean absolutely safe, because the only way to be absolutely safe is to be abstinent (meaning to not have sex at all...and that's BORING!) It means ways that you can lower the risk of getting HIV through certain sexual activities by taking a few precautions. For instance placing a latex condom on a man's penis before he puts it inside you, either in your mouth, your vagina, or your butt (if you like that) can help to protect you from becoming infected. Because HIV is also found in the clear fluid that leaks out of a man's penis when he gets hard, he doesn't have to come inside you to pass the virus, which is why it is so important to use a condom. You may want to try placing the condom on his penis with your mouth. (Most men are thrilled when a woman puts her mouth anywhere near their penis, so this may help to make him more agreeable to the idea.) It may take a little practice, but once you have it mastered ...there is nothing stopping you.
For oral sex performed on a man, there are two ways to reduce your risk: #1 is to place a condom on his penis before you suck it (there are flavored condoms available that can make this very interesting) or #2, if you do suck it without a condom, DO NOT swallow the semen...spit it out! Sex is a wonderful, natural, beautiful experience. Enjoying our sexuality is normal. Making choices regarding sex is your right as a woman. None of the methods we listed are a sure way to protect yourself from HIV (or any other sexually transmitted disease). The only way to protect yourself is to talk about HIV with your partner and get tested together. Back to menu
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